God's Way of Engagement and Marriage
By: Evangelist Felix Chukwunonso Olikagu
Introduction
Marriage is a sacred covenant established by God. It is not just a human contract but a spiritual bond where God Himself is the witness (Malachi 2:14). Engagement, or betrothal, is the first step in this lifelong commitment, and it should be treated with seriousness and reverence.
This handbook is designed to guide believers in following God's principles for engagement and marriage. It provides clear, Bible-based instruction to help you build a strong foundation that honors God from the very beginning.
The Eternal Truths Church of God Seventh-Day understands that marriage is not only important for a joyful life on earth, but also plays a role in your journey toward salvation. A godly marriage supports spiritual growth, family unity, and obedience to God's Word.
That is why this handbook was prayerfully prepared — to help you walk in God's will during your engagement and throughout your marriage, with the hope that your home will be a reflection of heaven on earth.
The Seriousness of Engagement
A. Engagement Is a Covenant, Not Just a Promise
Engagement in biblical times was a formal and binding agreement. It was taken as seriously as marriage itself. When a man and a woman are engaged, it is before God and the community, meaning they are committed to each other (Matthew 1:18-19).
B. God Is the Witness of Engagement
Engagement is not just a social or family tradition; it is a covenant before God. When a man engages a woman, he is making a vow before God, and breaking it without a serious reason is a violation of that covenant, as seen in Malachi 2:14:
This shows that God Himself is a witness to every engagement, making it a spiritual commitment, not just a human agreement.
Important Caution:
Faithful believers must be guided to avoid breaking vows in this regard, as it can lead to entanglement in the body of Christ. If a betrothed brother or sister ends up marrying someone else due to a broken vow, it will cause confusion and unnecessary distress among fellow believers.
Breaking an engagement not only dishonors God but also affects the unity and peace within the Church. Therefore, believers must seek divine wisdom before making such commitments, or making a promise of marriage and remain faithful to their vows.
Conflict Resolution in Engagement
A. Problems Will Arise, but Separation Should Not Be the First Option
As believers, we must recognize that no relationship is perfect. Conflicts and misunderstandings may arise during the engagement period. However, God calls us to resolve conflicts with wisdom and patience rather than breaking the commitment.
B. Call on Elders and Spiritual Leaders for Guidance
If a couple faces difficulties in their engagement, they should seek counsel from godly elders and church leaders before making any decision (James 5:16).
Elders can provide wisdom, prayer, and mediation to help the couple navigate their struggles.
💡 Wisdom Point: Seeking godly counsel early can prevent small issues from becoming relationship-ending problems.
Engagement Should Lead to Marriage
A. Breaking Engagement without Just Cause Is a Sin
When a man and a woman become engaged, it is not a casual agreement but a holy commitment. Walking away from engagement for selfish or trivial reasons displeases God. If problems arise, they should be addressed, but separation should not be the first solution.
B. When Separation May Be Necessary
There are rare cases where engagement may need to be reconsidered, such as:
- If one party is unfaithful (Matthew 1:19 – Joseph initially planned to quietly end his betrothal to Mary).
- If there is deception (e.g., someone lied about their identity or past).
- If one party turns away from the faith (2 Corinthians 6:14 – Do not be yoked together with unbelievers).
Even in such cases, elders and spiritual leaders should be involved to ensure the matter is handled righteously.
Preparing for a Godly Marriage
A. A Christ-Centered Relationship
A godly marriage begins with a Christ-centered engagement. Both partners should grow in faith, pray together, and seek God's will.
B. The Role of Family and Community
Marriage is not just a union of two people but a joining of families. In biblical times, parents and elders played a role in guiding young couples. Families should support the couple with prayer and godly counsel.
C. The Final Step: Marriage as a Covenant
Marriage is the completion of engagement. The couple should enter into marriage with joy, knowing they are fulfilling God's design. Their union should reflect Christ's love for the Church (Ephesians 5:25).
D. When Is a Marriage Consummated According to the Bible?
In the biblical context, the consummation of marriage occurs through the physical union between a husband and wife. Scripture affirms that sexual intimacy is not merely a physical act but a sacred and covenantal bond that finalizes the marital union. This divine design signifies the two becoming one flesh, as established in Genesis 2:24.
Furthermore, when a man and a woman are engaged or have made a solemn commitment to marry, their union is spiritually and morally bound by this promise. If they engage in sexual intimacy under this mutual agreement, it serves as the seal of their marriage before God, and they should never be allowed to separate or marry anyone else. According to biblical teachings, once this covenant is established, any separation is a violation of God's design for marriage.
Jesus Himself affirmed this in Matthew 19:6, saying, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." If a couple that has consummated their marriage through intimacy separates and one of them marries another person, such an act is considered adultery. Christ explicitly warns in Luke 16:18, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
Marriage is a sacred, lifelong covenant, and those who engage in it must uphold its sanctity with commitment, faithfulness, and obedience to God's will.
However, the Bible also emphasizes the importance of honoring this act within the context of lifelong commitment, faithfulness, and divine principles. In societies where formal ceremonies and legal recognitions exist, believers are encouraged to align their relationships with both scriptural teachings and cultural or legal expectations, ensuring that their union reflects God's order and holiness.
Ultimately, sexual intimacy is more than a physical connection; it is the consummation of a lifelong covenant, symbolizing love, unity, and devotion in accordance with God's perfect design for marriage.
📝 Remember: Marriage is a covenant before God, not merely a contract between people.
Biblical Response to Wrongful Marriage
When a believer finds themselves wrongly married to a person who has already consummated a previous marriage, they must seek God's guidance and align their actions with biblical truth. The Word of God is clear that marriage is a lifelong covenant, and any union formed in contradiction to this principle is considered adultery.
Biblical Response to Wrongful Marriage
- Acknowledge the Truth – The believer must recognize that if they are married to someone who has already consummated a previous marriage and whose spouse is still alive, their current union is invalid in God's eyes. Jesus said in Luke 16:18 (KJV):
"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery."
- Repent and Seek Forgiveness – If the believer has entered into such a marriage out of ignorance or disobedience, they must sincerely repent before God. 1 John 1:9 (KJV) states:
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
- Separate from the Illicit Union – Since the relationship is adulterous, the believer must take the difficult but necessary step of separating. Ezra 10:11 (KJV) gives a similar instruction to those who had entered unlawful marriages:
"Now therefore make confession unto the Lord God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives."
- Commit to a Life of Holiness – The believer should remain faithful to God's word and avoid future entanglements that contradict His laws. They should seek wise counsel from godly elders who uphold biblical truth and support them in their journey of righteousness.
A Warning to the Church
Church leaders must not compromise on this truth by encouraging or justifying sinful unions. Covering up or ignoring such situations leads to eternal destruction, not salvation. As stated in Ezekiel 3:18 (KJV):
Final Exhortation
A believer caught in a wrongful marriage must choose obedience to God over personal desires. It is better to endure temporary pain and hardship than to live in continuous sin and face eternal condemnation. True repentance brings restoration, and God will provide grace and strength to those who choose to follow His ways.
⚠️ Warning: Ignoring biblical truths about marriage can have eternal consequences.
Conclusion
Engagement is not to be taken lightly. It is a commitment before God and should be treated with the same seriousness as marriage. Couples must handle conflicts with wisdom, involve elders when necessary, and seek reconciliation, not separation.
The body of Christ must be vigilant and uphold the sanctity of marriage according to God's word. Marriage is a covenant that can affect one's eternal destiny if not honored in righteousness. Those who enter into marriage without commitment, faithfulness, and obedience to God's will risk falling into sin, which can cost them their salvation. Hebrews 13:4 warns, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
Elders and leaders in the church must never attempt to cover up or justify sin in marriage. Doing so does not help the individuals involved but rather leads to their eternal destruction. Ezekiel 3:18 (KJV) declares, "When I say unto the wicked, Thou shalt surely die; and thou givest him not warning, nor speakest to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life; the same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand."
Therefore, it is the responsibility of the Church to correct, guide, and rebuke with love, ensuring that marriages are built on truth and righteousness. Any attempt to conceal marital sins or justify adultery is a direct opposition to God's word and leads to divine judgment.
Let every believer honor God in their marriage, walk in holiness, and remain faithful to the covenant they have made before Him.
NB: A godly engagement leads to a strong and blessed marriage.